Every Sunday I discover the same dilemma when I get up in the morning and get ready to head to the zendo for our morning practice - I look at my wife and child and get a pang of guilt. Guilty that I am heading out to do something enriching for myself instead of stay back and doing something enriching with or for them. Now I wish I had wonderful sutra quotes to insert here or wisdom from ancient or contemporary masters, but I don't. So I went with the only thing I do have - my gut.
And my gut decided to hang back and go with my daughter to the local park for some time on the swings and let my wife work on her thesis in peace. No sitting and staring at a wall for me. No chanting of the Heart Sutra or prostrations. Instead I was heading to a park. But it all came together for me in shocking brilliance when I got to hear her (my little Samsara Baby of 16 months) say "Weee!" for the first time on the swings. We then spent 20 minutes throwing pieces of recycled shredded-tire padding up a slide and watching them come down. It was meaningful and mindful - Maybe it wasn't zazen and all austere and Buddhisty and stuff but it was me and my daughter sharing a moment that will never repeat itself. One that will never come again. One that faded away as quickly as it arose. One that probably, for her, is already forgotten.
So my home-practice oscilates between sitting zazen with a sangha and living the daily life of a homemaker. The life of a Buddhist and a father. Trying to remove oneself from the attachments of daily life but taking such joy in them at the same time.
Sometimes the words of the Evening Gatha mean so much more outside of the zendo:
Let me respectfully remind you,
life and death are of supreme importance. Time swiftly passes by,
and opportunity is lost. Let us awaken,
awaken. Take heed,
do not squander your life.
To me this is simply a fact of knowing when to bow - To humbly accept the teaching and opportunities presented in front of me at that specific time and place. To squander those opportunities would be poor form and weak practice. We awaken to the moment as that moment itself awakens in front of us. No plans and no schedules. I planned to sit that day but an opportunity blossomed in front of me. If I rigidly stuck to my Sunday schedule I would have missed the chance to see my daughter happy at that moment and at that time.
I suppose the Evening Gatha was written with enlightenment in mind -telling us not to squander what little time we have in frivolous activities. Instead we should strive ever-forward to realize ourselves. Well, I'm no monk nor am I a "serious" student but I think I can see the Path when she looks up at me, smiles and takes my hand.
Pretty soon my Samsara Baby will be Samsara Grown-Up and hopefully will still be willing to take my hand, smile and lead me to a bar.
Cheers y'all. Don't squander.
Thanks for openly sharing this. I think many of us may have similar experiences. My wife has to stay up an hour later (she works nights) to allow me to attend my sanghas weekday meeting. That means she also has to put the kids to bed. During our Saturday morning sits, she has to wake up earlier.
ReplyDeleteI attend those meetings because it personally enriches my practice. She allows me to attend because she's awesome.
Two weekends ago I decided not to attend the Saturday sit so I could enjoy my kids' first camping trip.
I feel the same as you do. There is always time for practice because practice is always...whether I'm staring at a wall or roasting marshmallows.
Next time I'll save ya some S'mores.
Jack, thank you. This is a beautiful post. You capture the essence of mindfulness, and loving kindness so well. Sitting is a (very useful) discipline and that's all. And principles, however good, should not overrule the goodness from our heart.
ReplyDeleteHave a blessed rest of the day . . .
You write about the conflict many of us have Sunday mornings ...
ReplyDeleteIt is all about maintaining balance and staying focused in the Dharma.
Thanks for sharing and vocalizing ...
You know totally off topic, but I'm curious, are you going to raise your kid as Buddhist? I have a son and I don't think I am, I think I'll let him make his mind up on his own.
ReplyDelete@ Kyle - I wil probably follow my father's example. We were culturally Greek Orthodox so the church was less about religion and more about being with other Greeks (personally I didn't enjoy the company but that is neither here nor there). My father is a life-long studier of religion so we had plenty of instruction as children (we had the Book of Mormom next to Dianetics with the Vedas for some extra flavor) so we had a broad base to work with.
ReplyDeleteI plan to follow the same path with my child(ren). Ideally an understanding of world religions and practices with respect towards her(their) personal development. However, I can pretty much guarantee that there will be quite a bit of Buddhist practice and philosophy simply through osmosis and proximity to my own practice. From experience, most of my practicing friends with children do not "push" it on them and they do not show much interest.
All things said - It will be a open religion household with plenty of exposure. If I end up at a temple with a good Dharma school attached I may enroll her in it but that is a discussion for the future. Right now I am just glad she falls asleep on my zabuton rather than the dog's bed.
Great question!
Cheers,
Jack
Jack,
ReplyDeleteI'm very happy that you were there with your daughter swinging! My daughter is now 15+ and goes off with her friends and not so much with the old man. Be there while you can.
Warm regards
Dosho
@ Dosho - Welcome! I have been working on weekends so I have not been attending the webinars. Glad to have you here!
ReplyDeleteI know, my father is staying with us to savor some time with his grand-daughter
Cheers,
Jack
Ugh. my comment just got truncated. Ah well!
ReplyDeleteExcellent post Jack. In my opinion, your ability to recognize the opportunity to spend time with your daughter shows your commitment to practice. Why? Because you can see past some rigid story about being a "good Buddhist" and instead are paying attention to your life as it is.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! My daughter is two and I've been there also.
ReplyDeleteLovely post. Thank you Jack.
ReplyDeleteExcellent post. I have 9 month old son, and figuring out the whole sangha thing is going to be tricky. I know they mostly meet in the evenings, but that's his bed time. Quite tricky. Thanks for your personal story.
ReplyDelete@ Adam - I do most of my practicing at home but I made contact with my local sangha and try to keep active when I can. They keep me updated on what they are doing and I try to do the same. It is a great resource even if you don't become a "regular".
ReplyDelete@ Everyone - Thanks for your positive comments and support. Cheers!