Dirty Watches and Filthy Buddha-Nature

From Zen Flesh Zen Bones:

• 29. No Water, No Moon
  
  When the nun Chiyono studied Zen she was unable to attain the fruits of meditation for a long time.
  
  At last one moonlit night she was carrying water in an old pail bound with bamboo. The bamboo broke and the bottom fell out of the pail, and at that moment Chiyono was set free.
  
  In this way I tried to save the old pail
  Since the bamboo strip was weakening and about to
  break.
  Until at last the bottom fell out.
  No more water in the pail!
  No more moon in the water!
  
  

This reminds me of my own eventual conversion to Buddhism - years of study (in a laid-back bedside table sort of manner) which led up to one explosive moment when the bottom of my pail broke and all the water ran out. That explosive part of anyone's conversion is a stressful and sometimes painful one but one that needs to occur. The reasons will differ from person to person but in the same way an addict needs to hit rock-bottom to see the top - I needed to see my world of attachment for what it was.

In Rinzai Zen this moment can be described as...

A revolutionary experience and insight capable of shattering all categories of thought and sweeping away all academic exercises and turning the world upside down...like a time bomb ticking in the depths of consciousness... [Once Born, Twice Born Zen]

This experience can not be realized until the tension, frustration, doubt and confusion in one's life hits a boiling point - a point where the vessel can no longer contain it - it is kensho or bust! In Soto Zen a less dramatic approach is taken with an...

Enjoyment of one's intrinsic Buddha-Nature...allowing this Buddha-Mind to well up and flow through all areas of one's consciousness and life. One does not begin by building up a strong sense of false and illusory ways of thinking and being, but a positive sense of fundamental well-being...[Once Born, Twice Born Zen]

Most converts fall along the spectrum of these two extremes - maybe not necessarily in Zen practice, itself - but as a gradual move from something else to Buddhism through a nurturing of the Buddha-mind or a drastic switch due to the bottom falling out.

I look at this moment as a convert's initial piece of enlightenment - a fleeting, brief glimpse of kensho as the bottom of our bucket falls out and everything rushes out leaving a husk of the former vessel. Momentarily, unable to hold anything or be filled up again. It doesn't last a long time but whether gradual or sudden we do feel a sense of the absolute at that moment of conversion...at least I did.

Mine was both sudden and gradual. A gradual and slight nurturing of the Buddha-nature (as well as the increases in tension, confusion, frustration and pain) enveloped in all of that samsaric nonsense. Hidden from view but growing slowly. However, at that moment of sudden emptying, the Buddha-nature stands very clear and apparent. But only for a moment. A convert's brief picture of enlightenment. The crack-cocaine of Buddhism.

So now that we've seen that jewel and acknowledge and take refuge in it. What do we do with it? The image of a jewel to be polished through practice somewhat goes against my sensibilities. With practice we keep that jewel bright and shiny - radiating out for the world to see. Blah! My jewel, my Buddha-mind, is dingy and tarnished with experience. Unlike a piece of jewelry, my Buddha-nature isn't for public consumption - for others to see and gawk at. It doesn't need to shine forth and glow since I already know that it is there. My wife bought me a turquoise and silver watch for my 30th birthday. It was far too expensive but my wife knew that I would need something to mark that turning point in my life.

Tradition is that a watch such as that is never cleaned or polished. It gathers the dirt and the dust of its owner and it tells a story. My watch has got bits of shale from my summer field work and specks of epoxy and glue from working in the lab. It has blood and has been broken a few times. Fixed but never cleaned. That grime tells a story of where I have been, just like the hands of a mechanic or farmer or accountant - grease and oil, dirt and much, smudges and ink.

A face well-worn from the sun and wind or smooth. It doesn't matter. My Buddha-nature sat and grew slowly, unrealized, through many mistakes and errors of my life and emerged briefly to mark its presence when my bottom fell out. I will nurture it but I refuse to clean it - Refuse to ignore and forget what brought on its appearence. My Buddha-nature will hold those scars of my youth and marks of my old age, my triumphs and my failures. Like my watch that will pass to my daughter after my time with it is done so will my Buddha-nature to the next - both with traces of Pierre Shale and blood, ink and tears, failures and successes.

Cheers,

Sake and Beer Brewing Update

Both bottles of sake - Left is filtered once and right is twice filtered - Notice that the left still has sediment at bottle's bottom.

No Buddhism here this morning, just and update on the brewing of sweet sake and Chai Beer.

Sake Update:

Well, its been a couple of weeks since I started my batch of sake. Above is our co-brewmaster El Blanco Grande and he is holding our fermenter full of rice/koji/yeast slurry. It smells delightful but I may not have steamed some of the rice fully before transfering it to the fermenter - many individual grains are still noticeable. Don't be fooled by the perspective in the picture - that jug hold 5 gallons - El Blanco Grande is just that massive.

The pouring, pasteurizing and filtering of the sake slurry. I learning something new - If you want crystal clear sake (or at least close) add 5 coffee filters to a funnel and pour the liquid through it. It will take forever to filter through but it will come out pretty damn clear. I'm still playing around with methods to get it clearer. Also you could possible just filter once and let it settle for a day in a secondary container and then filter again.

Chai Beer Update:

Looks good. Tastes good and is being moved into the secondary fermenter for another 10 days. Then bottled and conditioned for 3 weeks. If it is tasty and delightful after that time I will post the recipe and about my winter brewing project. Traditional Viking Beer brewed "traditionally" - smoked grains over birch, juniper filter and horned hats. I see the possibility of massive failure in this one but I am excited to spend several hours outside smoking the grains.

Virtual dharma resources for REAL practice

In an effort to help some of those home-practitioners that don't have access to a physical sangha or zendo and rely almost completely on home practice to study the Dharma and further their own growth, I though I would list some of the online resources out there. There are plenty of others out there but these came to mind....

• White Wind Zen Community Long Distance Training Program - The practice of Zen is experiential and instruction is based on your actual experience of doing the practice. As soon as possible after reading the transcript and sitting for a full half hour according to the instructions it contains, please write to the monastery to let us know that you read the "Beginner's Mind Workshop" transcript, sat and would like to receive further instruction. Please include in your email some detail concerning what you experienced while sitting and write out any questions that came up. Your email will be answered by a practice advisor or a Dharma Teacher in residence at Dainen-ji and this will be the beginning of an exchange for the purpose of clarifying your understanding of Zen practice so that you can eventually apply as a public student of Ven. Anzan Hoshin roshi.

• Treeleef Zendo - This zendo is dedicated to students of Zen Buddhism who cannot travel to a zen center or who otherwise wish personal contact with a zen teacher... [a full review of this site is here]
  

• Wild Fox Zen Blog - The Moon Reflected in the Water: 100 Day Practice Period begins on Saturday for those practicing from afar. The expectations might seem a bit more than you can handle - zazen, Heart Sutra, study, webinar, capping phrases - and if you think so, it might be just right....Anyway, there is still a seat open for you in the virtual practice zendo. If you want to jump in, shoot me an email (wildfoxzen@gmail.com) or register via Facebook by Wednesday. No previous practice period experience necessary. [I think this session is closed but they seem to be willing to do this again, I hope].

• 108 Days - Follow along with the posts for 108 days of meditation. No longer an active blog so engagement is limited but a good way to slide into a daily routine.

• AudioDharma - The Insight Meditation Center (IMC) is a community-based urban meditation center for the practice of Vipassana or Insight meditation. We are a non-residential center in Redwood City, California, dedicated to the study and practice of Buddhist teachings. IMC offers a broad range of practice and community activities. This includes a weekly schedule of meditation sessions, dharma talks (talks on Buddhist teaching and practice), classes, group discussions, yoga practice and a variety of meditation and study retreats. IMC began in 1986 as a gathering of individuals who meet in order to learn, support and deepen their mindfulness practice. It is an informal group, and those interested in mindfulness meditation are heartily welcome to participate whenever they wish. IMC does not require payment for any of our teachings or meetings. The support of our teachers and all our center expenses is done through the voluntary donations of our community. The group is guided by Gil Fronsdal. [Gil may be the closest thing to a bodhisattva that I will ever meet...the man kicks ass]

• BuddhaNet - Its got everything you would ever need, I think, for a full home practice. Sans an actual teacher. [Enough info to make your brain go *pop*!]

• Podcasts - DharmaRealm, Ancient Dragon Zen Gate Dharma Talks, Buddhist Geeks, Rochester Zen Center Teisho, San Fransisco Zen Center Public Lectures, ZenCast [Just a few of my favorites. Plenty more out there from reliable zendos and practice centers. Most have online newsletters too]

• Blogs - Plenty but start at digitalZENDO and The Zennist for an example of two polar opposites in a broad array of fantastic blogs out there. [I can't even start too explain how many are out there but I like these two since they give two very different views of Buddhist and Zen practice]

• Alan Ashley recommends WildMind Buddhist Meditation Resources and Free Buddhist Audio. Thanks!

• Thank you Adam for the recommendation of Urdan Dharma
  

This list is by no means meant to be extensive and it is skewed towards Zen practice by Buddhists on Purpose (lol, hilarious term. Makes me think of "Pigs in Space") but if you know of any other resources please list them in the comments and I'll toss them in...

Cheers and welcome to Buddhist Purgatory (I should rename my blog that, Thanks Kyle!),

Silent Chanting

One of my biggest concerns when I began an actual flesh and blood sangha practice was the prospect of chanting aloud. I have sat in meditation for years (not in one stretch) and was comfortable with that aspect of public practice. The altar opening, ritual, bowing and prostrations were equally familiar to me since I spent years performing them on my own in my home. I did not feel self-conscious or nervous about applying in public what I already did at home for a number of years.

Chanting on the other hand, I approached with extreme trepidation. On the surface level, there was the fact that some of the chants were in Japanese or Sanskrit that led to my nervousness. I screwed up the pronunciation of many of the Japanese phonemes or would get lost on the page as my eyes struggled to keep up with the chanting and my brain was lagging far behind in reminding my lips which phonemes were pronounce in which ways.

But language was really only scratching the surface. The material contained in the "Pure Land" sutras seemed shockingly similar to the prayers that were offered in a Christian prayer. It felt like I was asking or beseeching some outer-worldly power to intervene in my behalf. It was not aiding me in focusing on my practice at all. In fact, it was doing the opposite.

Until I ran across this explaination by Ven. Anzan Hoshin roshi that helped put this into perspective:

In chanting practice you needn’t be shy, needn’t hold back and whisper. You’re not praying to gods or angels or Buddhas. You are manifesting the power and integrity of breath, sound, and posture as this sound of the moment. Allow the sound to swell from the hara in your lowest natural voice register. Abandon hesitation and self-consciousness and feel the sounds vibrating in belly, throat, and mouth. Feel air as breath being drawn in and released as sound. Penetrate the ten directions with this chanting and wake up all beings by exerting both the dignity of the words and the dignity of your expression of them.

Just as when I focus my breathing while meditating, I began to focus on my breathing while chanting. The actual words became less and less important as they became more internalized in to my routine. I would start chanting and continue without reading the words or even thinking about the words as they came out of my mouth. My voice is still horrible and I fumble (horribly) over the Japanese sometimes but I rarely even care. I like to yell. Its fun. And it has no focus beyond the pushing of the air out of this poor wind bag.

The mind is clear and traceless, it does not ponder the meaning of the words as you chant. An alert posture, pure intention, and moment to moment awareness actualize the meaning of the words.

"Pure Land" sutras or not. It doesn't matter as much anymore. I may not particularly "like" a particular sutra for some reason but in essence reciting it is the same as reciting any other one - its just air being pushed from my lungs.

Focus on the sutra's whole presence first, then focus on the words that come and then on the sounds that arise, leave your mouth and disperse. Soon, you don't even hear the words anymore, they don't matter. Just like the ringing of a bell, the sound is impermanent and drifts into silence - You know that they were there but they're is no evidence of there presence. In understanding the origin and trajectory of those sounds we pay homage to our own innate Buddha-Nature. It doesn't matter what the content is or if the language is familiar or not. It all breaks down in the same way. They all disperse into silence. We chant silence.

Chanting, allow this jewel to shine and, in so doing, see that the jewel has no boundaries and is never limited by any single facet or reflection of light. The Four Great Vows are the essence of the Bodhisattva’s energy, the Heart sutra the Bodhisattva’s mind and so on. Express and actualize these in each sound, each moment of chanting, sitting, walking, working, breathing. In so doing, liberate all beings, all times, all directions, all sounds, all breaths.

Cheers,

South Dakota - Buddhist Purgatory

I woke up this morning to a wonderful post by the Reformed Buddhist mentioning the Purgatory State - South Dakota.

Invent a Buddhist Purgatory and put it in South Dakota where there
really is no difference.

Well, thank you Kyle for thinking of us, luckily the Hungry Ghosts and pretas have left us alone for the moment so Samsara baby and myself could enjoy some zazen this morning (thus the picture, taken only moments before a random attack from roaming Hungry Ghosts). Just so you know what we are up against here is the description of what I have to fight against to get into work every day.

Pretas are invisible to the human eye, but some believe they can be discerned by humans in certain mental states. They are described as human-like, but with sunken, mummified skin, narrow limbs, enormously distended bellies and long, thin necks. This appearance is a metaphor for their mental situation: they have enormous appetites, signified by their gigantic bellies, but a very limited ability to satisfy those appetites, symbolized by their slender necks. [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Preta]

Very scary and you thought ZombieLand was bad! And let me tell you, the Blood Pool Hell Sutra leaves some talking points as well. But, well, home is home and we do our best.

Cheers and Happy Zombie hunting!

To sit or not to sit.

Every Sunday I discover the same dilemma when I get up in the morning and get ready to head to the zendo for our morning practice - I look at my wife and child and get a pang of guilt. Guilty that I am heading out to do something enriching for myself instead of stay back and doing something enriching with or for them. Now I wish I had wonderful sutra quotes to insert here or wisdom from ancient or contemporary masters, but I don't. So I went with the only thing I do have - my gut.

And my gut decided to hang back and go with my daughter to the local park for some time on the swings and let my wife work on her thesis in peace. No sitting and staring at a wall for me. No chanting of the Heart Sutra or prostrations. Instead I was heading to a park. But it all came together for me in shocking brilliance when I got to hear her (my little Samsara Baby of 16 months) say "Weee!" for the first time on the swings. We then spent 20 minutes throwing pieces of recycled shredded-tire padding up a slide and watching them come down. It was meaningful and mindful - Maybe it wasn't zazen and all austere and Buddhisty and stuff but it was me and my daughter sharing a moment that will never repeat itself. One that will never come again. One that faded away as quickly as it arose. One that probably, for her, is already forgotten.

So my home-practice oscilates between sitting zazen with a sangha and living the daily life of a homemaker. The life of a Buddhist and a father. Trying to remove oneself from the attachments of daily life but taking such joy in them at the same time.

Sometimes the words of the Evening Gatha mean so much more outside of the zendo:

Let me respectfully remind you,
life and death are of supreme importance. Time swiftly passes by,
and opportunity is lost. Let us awaken,
awaken. Take heed,
do not squander your life.

To me this is simply a fact of knowing when to bow - To humbly accept the teaching and opportunities presented in front of me at that specific time and place. To squander those opportunities would be poor form and weak practice. We awaken to the moment as that moment itself awakens in front of us. No plans and no schedules. I planned to sit that day but an opportunity blossomed in front of me. If I rigidly stuck to my Sunday schedule I would have missed the chance to see my daughter happy at that moment and at that time.

I suppose the Evening Gatha was written with enlightenment in mind -telling us not to squander what little time we have in frivolous activities. Instead we should strive ever-forward to realize ourselves. Well, I'm no monk nor am I a "serious" student but I think I can see the Path when she looks up at me, smiles and takes my hand.

Pretty soon my Samsara Baby will be Samsara Grown-Up and hopefully will still be willing to take my hand, smile and lead me to a bar.

Cheers y'all. Don't squander.

Virtual Dharma

A new conversation started on the authenticity and utility of "virtual" sanghas vs. "flesh and bone" sanghas has started up.

• Illusory Flowers in an Empty Sky - Virtual isn't real
• Angry Asian Buddhist - Online sanghas
• The Reformed Buddhist - The snobs show their colors: take two
• The Reformed Buddhist - iSangha
  

Personally, I think both are viable and real outlets of the Dharma and perfectly good training and practicing tools. Each has its own strengths and weaknesses. A "virtual" sangha gives an opportunity for many of us in the more rural areas of the US connect with teachers, practitioners and schools that we would not ordinarily be privy to due to geographic and logistical constraints. At the same time a "virtual" sangha does not provide the same type of support as a "flesh and bone" sangha nor does it give the same depth of practice.

I do believe that while I do connect with my "flesh and bone" sangha (I am fortunate that my locale does sport two, formerly three, small sanghas). However, being able to branch out online did much to prepare me for eventual daily practice as well as gave me the support to approach my local sangha with my interest in practice. As with most things, I think a combination of both produces the best results. I sit weekly with a "flesh and bone" sangha but attend virtual retreats (due to time and monetary restraints) online. I am not in the position to attend "real" Dharma Talks but ones podcasted by zendos and by AudioDharma, ZenCast and DharmaRealm serve the purpose more than addequately.

To call this support "not nourishing" seems drastic (I wash plenty of dishes). A sangha is partly about communication. By discouraging virtual sanghas you also discourage teachers to actual reach out to practitioners that don't have a local sangha to practice as well as discouraging individuals to broaden their horizons past what is outside their front door.

I will concede that eventually, a serious Buddhist practitioner needs to confront an actual, authentic teacher for instruction. But whether it is online or face-to-face - It doesn't matter, there is some benefit to be gotten. The bottom line is that any practitioner that is serious needs to access what is available to them by virtue of their situation and location. Whether that be online blogging and chats with other practitioners or sitting with a group or combination of both. At the same time any teacher that is serious about reaching people (especially those that do not have the luxury of local temple or monastery to guide their growth) needs to utilize emerging tools to reach them.

So thank you to all of my "Virtual" Sangha-siblings and Dharma-guides. You all inspire me to practice daily and critically examine myself constantly. You keep me striving.

Its all just tools.

Cheers,